I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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