I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
