only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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