Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
