I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
