Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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