Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
