oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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