Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your penis caused this!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
