and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
