Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
