Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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