Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize