you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
