she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
