He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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