Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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