Can i not drive my cunt home
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
