I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize