Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
