I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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