I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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