no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
