I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
