So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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