adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
