She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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