I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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