so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize