yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
