My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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