Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
