I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
