I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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