Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
