i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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