he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
