let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
