dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize