Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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