nut hugger
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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