Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
