I didn't shave. On purpose
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
