So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Boobs speak an international language.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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