My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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