I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
