At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize