apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
