have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
