Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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