I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
