If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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