It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
