David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
