i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
