So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize