a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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