I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
