Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
