totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
