Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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