Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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