My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
