last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
