i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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