By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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