Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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