what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
