when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
