wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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