I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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