Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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